A watched website never....

So if a watched pot never boils, I wonder what that means for our adoption profiles!?  Since we have gone back to being on the profile website I perform a vigil every morning, noon, and night of checking how many people have looked at our profile and wondering if today we will get another phone call.

It hasn't been that long since our last opportunity, but now that it has truly become real... I am soooooo over waiting.  I can't sit still, can't focus, and now when the phone rings I hop up hoping to see the "blocked" phone number that means our agency is calling.

After three years of waiting my calm, "it will happen when it happens" shell is gone.  Now I am all impatience.  I'm the tapping toe in the line, the "are we there yet" from the back seat.

I am checking out the other adoptive couples and counting.  How many people are waiting in the midwest?  How many people hope to adopt a boy?  How many people hope to adopt a biracial child, hispanic, african american??  As if there is anything to do but wait.  I'm the begging dog under the table, convinced that if I stare long enough I'll get what I long for.

I should be reading.  I should be working on university papers, researching, writing, or tackling the mountain of other work I have to do.  But I can't.  My "mom heart" was started, it was ready, it was unleashed from it's "waiting spot" and now it can't rest.  Sigh. 18 people have looked at our profile since last Thursday.  Excuse me while I check it again..... Shucks.  Still 18.

I'm going to force myself to read one of those papers and books my professors want me to read.  Maybe.  Probably I should check that profile one more time. :)